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Mar. 18th, 2018

Pitter patter

Last night Jade said she had something to tell me and almost immediately I was bracing myself for bad news.  It was extremely painstaking waiting forty-five minutes before she divulged she was pregnant.  On one hand I was relieved as I was expecting the worst in that she wanted to call it quits between us, but on the other I was a bit dismayed.  I told her I would be supportive of her in this, but a part of me is dismayed seeing as it is her exes'.  It is my fear that this might be it for her as far as kids go, even though previously I had said it was my desire to have at least one of my own.  I am all for nuclear families and I would not treat a child that didn't share my DNA any differently.

She had told me that getting pregnant was difficult for her and she has had 2-3 miscarriages previously.  I'm not hoping this is the case now, but I know there is the possibility that this could be an outcome.  She was appreciative that I was offering her my full support as she admittedly expected a negative response.  Two friends both told me to just run.  It kind of makes me question their integrity a bit to be honest.  I get that the situation between Jade and I is an odd one, but what kind of man would I be if I did this?

Didn't end up going to Melissa & Darryl's last night for dinner — and I have no idea if my mom went without me.  It wouldn't surprise me if she did in the end, which would be a bit of a slap in the face.

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Mar. 17th, 2018

Our Lady Peace

Tuesday evening I was the designated driver for my mom and her friends.  For this I was given the extra ticket they had to the Our Lady Peace & Matthew Good Band concert.  We headed into Oshawa an hour before the show was to start and hit up a pub nearby so they could get their drink on and also have some dinner.  I wasn't overly thrilled with the meatloaf special that I ordered.  While it wasn't dry, I just found it to have a bit of a tough texture, which likely means they didn't use breadcrumbs.  It might also have been a beef/pork blend.  The mashed potatoes weren't seasoned and everything just seemed bland in general.  The sauteed veggies weren't bad.

We finished up and got into the arena prior to Matthew Good taking the stage.  The seats we had were pretty decent, and as I was alone while the others went to get beer the girl sitting behind me tapped my shoulder and told me she loved my R2-D2 toque/beanie.  

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Mar. 16th, 2018


The day after my last post it seemed like everything sort of came tumbling down a bit.  Saturday started off like any other day in which I bid Jade good morning, but her response was rather short and to the point.  After than nothing was said for 14 hours.  

That night was the uncensored group chat.  I was one of the winners of guessing on the admins/mods questions getting 3/5 (would have been 4/5, but I changed one of my answers to be safe).  Jade being a moderator is automatically included in the monthly chats now.  Figuring out my +1 to invite wasn't too bad.  Couple of people told me NOT to invite Kerri (she isn't really liked it seems).  A couple people told me to invite Justice (including Jade, Justice herself who also tried to persuade me with nudes, and Miranda — a friend of Jade's).  Michelle also did the nudes incentive offer, and Jet had said she would be a great choice.  In the end I gave Michelle my vote after mulling it over night.  

The chat was rather fun, and Michelle was certainly a great choice as I think she took the fact that I'm an ass man to heart.  Almost all the photos she shared showed off her backside (seems she was taking a bubble bath during the chat).  She definitely has a beautiful derriere!  I noticed Jade did not do likes on my photo or the moneyshot vid I posted.  This sort of made me a bit concerned.  After the chat ended I messaged her and she said she just needed a day away.  I didn't really think much of it and said nothing more.

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Nov. 11th, 2016

The move I regret...

Near the beginning of October I moved into a house in Bradford with my half-sister and her boyfriend (as well as their two large dogs). Prior to this via Facebook messages and voice conversations it seemed that we were all getting along amicably, however clearly the wool was just being pulled over my eyes for what was to come...

Originally I was told that I could bring the cat that I more or less inherited/adopted from my biological sister as she decided during her second pregnancy that she didn't want pets around. After I had come in to sign the lease I was told that I couldn't bring my cat due to their dogs and the fact that Joe (her boyfriend) is now apparently allergic to cats. I didn't argue this, but now I was signed to the lease so they could easily revoke anything they desired.

The agreement was that all costs would be split by a third. Rent was $1,800 plus utilities. I snagged a great deal for cable/internet from Rogers (on a 2 year contract) where we'd receive 1Gbps internet and more or less what used to be the old VIP television package. Including the extra boxes it was going to be $162/month all in. After the first hydro and gas bill (plus hot water heater rental) came in my share for each was $13.96 for hydro and $30.33 for the gas/heater. Their share of the Rogers bill was $108 meaning they owed me just shy of $64. Well this is when the second round of squabbling from my half-sister started. She decided that they didn't really want the higher end internet and that they just wanted TV and so they shouldn't have to pay as much for the internet. Well I rarely watched the TV and that was the more expensive portion of the bill. So she complained she would not see any money from me for the two bills she paid that were in her name, which she was not surprised by. Sorry, but if your portion for the bill I paid was MORE than the portion I would be responsible for the smaller bills than subtracting that from what is owed to me is the logical way to go. Clearly she doesn't understand how basic math (or really anything) works.

The original issue that came up was over the first/last month rent. In order to secure the house Joe's mother front the $3,600. This meant that there was going to be $1,200 each owed. No formal agreement was ever made like I had requested so that there would be a paper trail that I could provide to ODSP as proof of my rental agreement. I was then greeted to some colourful messages on Facebook and being spoken to as though I were a child. Sorry, but I have nearly 12 years on her, and I do not appreciate being spoken to in a condescending matter or her passive aggressive stance to everything she takes issue with. After an hour of having to see her drone on and on via Facebook messaging as I told her I would not speak with her face to face due to her constantly raising her voice or bending the truth later when re-telling it to others I simply asked her to leave me alone. She then started harping about how she and Joe (really just him as she has no income) spent all this money on decorations for the house. Sorry, but did I ask them to buy overpriced wall art or candles or anything? No, I didn't. After she went on about that I just got tired of it and said "Take me to small claims court then if you feel inclined." and that is when she twisted my words to fit her preconceptions, assumptions and agenda by saying I had just said that I would not pay my portion of the first/last months rent to Joe's mother just like she knew "I never would".

As aforementioned no agreement was ever made drafted and signed as I had repeatedly requested. I had every intent of carrying out my obligations and had stated a proposal on how and when I could do so given my limited income, but after the shit she said I had lost any interest in the matter. This was then followed up by her telling her one-sided version of the matter to her mother and our father. He said he did not want to get involved other than "you need to pay them what is owed". So he claims not wanting to get involved or take sides, but that statement negated that completely. I was not surprised. He then brought up the new cell phone he gave me that I was still deciding on whether I was going to use and be part of his shared plan. I said he could have it back, but that I wanted my XBOX 360 Elite that I loaned to my younger half-brother a few years ago when they asked me and repeatedly asked for back and was always ignored. Joe had said he believed they traded it in when they went to EB Games to get an XBOX One for my half-brother. Well that ended up setting him off and he sent a long text full of F-bombs, threats and him calling me a "fucking slimy piece of shit". He said he was on the way and he would get the police to remove me from the house. At first I was honestly nervous, but then I realized he couldn't do much. I had paid my rent if anything I could have the police remove him from the property on the grounds of harassment if I felt inclined.

He showed up, did his huffing and puffing outside my bedroom door. Did a countdown from 30 and then went outside and called the police. They showed up, I could see him animatedly explaining things to them. The officers came in, knocked on my door and I opened it and had a polite conversation with them. My friend Brandon said I should have said I do not have any such phone in my possession as he has no proof, besides his so called witnesses, but I just sided with the officer who said I should just give him what he wants to stop him from being even more of a dick. The officer did state he could do nothing regarding the matter between my half-sister and I, which I already knew. As rent was paid to the landlord there is no grounds for an eviction process to be started. Tenant to tenant eviction has no rules in Ontario, and with no agreement there is no proof of any wrongdoing or for that matter obligation.

I am not a vindictive person, but after this incident Brandon said if I had any dirt on them to let the bombs drop when I move out. With my half-sister and her boyfriend it is photos of their box of drugs and bongs sitting in the garage where they smoke up. I'm sure the landlord would not be pleased with that. I also have proof that my half-sister is trafficking narcotics for her grandmother at $4/pill and they are splitting the money 50/50.

My dad and step-mom are sureties for my half-brother who has been charged with a couple offenses and is on house arrest. Last week his parents dropped him off here to stay over night and spend time with my half-sister and Joe. Well one of the conditions of his bond is he is not to be unattended by a court appointed surety, which is what was done. He also showed up with cigarettes and alcohol, meaning it had to be purchased for him by his parents as he is not of legal age to obtain them (he is 18, you need to be 19 for both). So spilling the beans on that would mean my father would have to pay out the bail bond and it would cause even more legal issues.

Now I may not use the second one, but that doesn't stop me from letting him know that if he doesn't leave me alone and he continues to threaten or harass me that I will use that against him.

For the past two weeks I end up spending most of the day in my room given that my half-sister makes it unpleasant. Last Sunday they came home two minutes before I was heading down to grab my pizza from the oven and I heard he bitch "Great, now we can't make any food!" and she slammed the oven door shut. Couple days before I came down to find my dinner was only half cooked as Joe decided to take my food out of the oven to make his own. Trying to do laundry I end up having to take their stuff out of the machines and then I get scolded for touching their stuff.

Really at the end of the day this entire side of my family can all go fuck themselves.

I may have a lead on a place back out by my mom and grandfather. While I'd prefer Oshawa, this basement apartment is in Bowmanville. My mom will be going to take a look at it in lieu of me tomorrow afternoon. We'll see what happens with that.

At any rate it sucks that this is just another blog of complaints or turmoil, but sadly that is mostly what seems to happen to me.

Apr. 1st, 2016

How time flies...

It is crazy to fathom that it has been nearly four years since my last post.

Tonight aggravation is the reason that has compelled me to login and post. My buddy in California is once again pulling his usual silent treatment bullshit. For the past couple of years I have tried to get him to build a site that would have given us both financial stability and allow both of us to move out of our respective mother's homes. However, he has chosen not to live up to his end of the deal after getting over $1,000 out of me and my doing whatever I could to help him out or keep him happy and at times going without personally for his benefit.

It is hard not to feel as though I was just a personal ATM for him.

Sadly a site that came around a year after I had come up with the same idea is flourishing and just raking in the money. The plan was to having the hosting site launch and within a year use some of the revenue to then build the sister site, the live streaming site. The biggest site in that category brings in a gross yearly income north of $60M annually! This is one facet of the industry that is continually growing due to the internet when other traditional sites are scrambling to stay relevant and profitable.

There is so much more that has gone on over the past four years, but for now I think I'll leave it short and sweet with the above couple of paragraphs.

Jun. 7th, 2009

Pessimistic Optimist?

I have been meaning to post for ages, but procrastination seems to constantly be winning the battle.

Tuesday I have to travel into Hamilton for the assessment that OHIP is making me have with an Ontario surgeon prior to any official approval or denial is made on my application for Out of Country surgery. I am not very optimistic given a few recent events:

1. Duodenal Switch surgery approvals have been suspended pending a review board decision, which appears to be made up of anti-DS "experts", that I believe will more likely rule in favour of eliminating approval all together (which is what OHIP wants).

2. Dr. Anvari, while apparently is linked to possibly doing the DS surgery in Ontario within the next couple of years, seems to be a very tough doctor with a poor bedside manner.

Bev Lyman, a manager at OHIP for the particular department that deals with the OOC applications has stated that I am considered a "special case" and that this suspension of the DS may not necessarily apply to me, I am still not at all optimistic. I think if anything the surgeon I see on Tuesday will find some excuse as to why I should not have the DS.

I personally do not believe in the RNY (Roux-en-Y gastric bypass), or the VSG (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy), as suitable surgeries to get me to a normal body weight. Look at the Texas teen who was labelled the "heaviest teenager in the world"...he had the VSG and got down to 500lbs, but he seems to have plateaued and will probably need another surgery to begin to lose some more weight. I want to have one surgery, not two or three.

This new ruling on the DS is only being made as the government is deciding to tighten the purse strings. Prior to the downturn in the economy they were handing out approvals left and right to people well below the 55+ BMI they are calling for now to qualify for the DS. They were sending people down to Florida, California and even India. Now they say the only surgeons you can see are ones in bordering states of Ontario and who are on a list of PPA's (Preferred Patient Agreements). This is how they were able to cut down costs.

Yes some of the reason why I am a 720lbs individual is through poor judgement, however it cannot be denied that genetics and a childhood filled with anxiety and depression only exacerbated the problem. Two years ago I was at a point in life where I just didn't care anymore and decided I was just going to eat myself to death. My mindset has changed obviously, but it is hard sometimes to not wish for this to happen given the constant struggles I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Tuesday I should also find out if my grandfather will finally come around and help me out with the remaining $2,000 I need for a bariatric bed. Thanks to Ron, a senior who works on behalf of 25 local rotary clubs in my area has managed to get ODSP to double their contribution from $1,000 to $2,000. He also said he would get $2,000 from the rotary clubs (which was asking a lot), but this all seems to depend now on my well-to-do grandfather. He is currently embroiled in a bitter divorce as he soon to be ex-wife is not stating their they pre-nuptials were not properly done and she wants more than she is entitled too.

Again it is hard to be optimistic about this, because I know how my grandfather is when it comes to money that is not being used on him. I am not being ungrateful, but as I have said countless times this would make a big difference in my daily life.

So basically Tuesday could either be a pretty good day, mediocre or shitty.

I'll try and post tomorrow about things not pertaining to this surgical stuff tomorrow. For now I am going to get back to tinkering with my media on my hard drives to clear up some space and organize things again.


Jan. 30th, 2009

"Mommy, don't"...

I was checking my email and came about this article:


I simply cannot comprehend the thoughts of people anymore. How can a mother kill her child? It just completely baffles me and agitates me. Now when they first mentioned that the boyfriend had given her the ultimatum or her daughter or him I was outraged, however after reading the entire article my opinions changed. I don't put so much blame on him given the fact that he clearly never told her to kill the 12 year old girl.

It seems like everyday there is some story of a parent killing their child(ren). A couple days ago there was the story about the father killing his family and then committing suicide because he recently lost his job. Can the economy really be so bad that people are going to commit murder/suicide to solve the problem?!

It just really saddens me when I see the innocent falling prey to the people who are supposed to be protecting them. The world we live in now is a fucked up place. Makes me wonder if Minority Report is the right way to go about things. If you can prevent the crime from happening would that not be the best solution?

What the judge said to the woman, how "Mommy don't" will be a haunting reminder was the icing on the cake. I honestly would not be sad to hear of the woman hanging herself in her cell. I don't believe in capital punishment, however I will not cry for her if she cracks and takes her own life. I honestly hope that she spends the rest of her life in prison.

She is fortunate enough to have gotten the plea bargain for the lesser charge of second degree murder.

It just makes me so frustrated.

Jan. 9th, 2009

You want the truth...you can't handle the truth!

Today I got my first taste of Dr. Patrick Yau's supposedly negative bedside manner. Yesterday afternoon I taped my story with Laura DiBattista of CityTV News. This afternoon my mom called me to let me know that Laura contacted her looking for some photos of me as a child and teenager. Laura also mentioned that she had called Dr. Patrick Yau to speak to him regarding my story and to my surprise he blatantly lied.

According to Dr. Yau he said he never told me I was a candidate for the lap-band procedure and that he specifically told me I would have to get a gastric bypass. Everything that came out of his mouth was bullshit because none of what he told Laura was ever stated during my consultation with him. My friend Jennie who was there for a consultation as well was sitting right next to me when he told us both that he saw no problems in performing the surgery on either of us aside from the fact that I would have to have it done in the hospital as opposed to his clinic.

This is very disappointing but also very frustrating because it leaves me without many options once again. When he told me the surgery could be done it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. My only problem was trying to find the funding to cover the cost of the surgery.

You think that Dr. Yau and his Slimband (formerly the Toronto Lap Band Clinc), clinic would appreciate the positive media attention that his clinic would receive from my story. I sent his clinic an email and will wait to see if I hear back from them on Monday prior to the airing of my story during the 6pm news. If I don't get a response on Monday then I guess I have no choice but to seek out options to bring a bit of negative press to Dr. Yau because I only ever said good things about him and defended his against people who told me to steer clear of him.

Anyway I am going to go watch a movie to try and get my mind off of this.


Jan. 7th, 2009

When it rains, it pours...

The other day I decided to download Google Chrome (Google's attempt at a browser), and while I have been using Firefox for the past few years I actually enjoyed Chrome until I tried to view my friends page and had all the posts showing up in the centre and thus the text was only half visible due to the blue background. Shows up fine in Firefox. I am sure there is some setting in Chrome I can change to rectify the problem, but I am too bothered to do that at the moment.

So the argument, or rather the yelling I put up with from my mother on the phone yesterday changed into a more "caring" tone today when she called me this morning. She called me around 9:30am but I ignored her calls until about 11:45am as I was still in bed trying to sleep. I then called her to find out what she had wanted. Turns out she had emailed someone from City TV News (a Toronto television station), and within about 10 minutes she got a response back from the health reporter for the noon edition of the news.

Apparently the reporter was interested by my mom's email and later in the afternoon called her to set up a meeting on Thursday afternoon. So I am assuming she is coming out with a cameraman to interview my mother and I. Should be interesting if nothing else to see what sort of questions she ask me regarding my situation. However I am sitting on the fence about this as it came about so quickly and the last thing I need is to have this turn into a circus show where I am then ridiculed by the public for my physical appearance.

Being super morbidly obese I have to tolerate a lot. I can deal with children pointing me out and yelling out "Look at that very fat man!", while their parents grab them by the hand and tell them to be quiet. It is one thing to have a child say something, but to have to deal with adults is another thing entirely.

Yes I may overeat at times to comfort myself from the struggles I face on a daily basis. Obesity is a disease whether people want to believe that or not. I don't use that as a scapegoat however as I realize there are choices I could make to better the situation. There are people out there who eat nothing but junk food and are 6'2" and 170lbs with little to no physical activity, while someone else of the same height can eat the same food and gain weight even if they are much more active.

Anyway I am going off the topic at hand...Basically I want to try and open the eyes of people that are heading in my direction. Getting to 750lbs is not at all fun. It is a struggle to just do the things people do everyday. The problem is the stigma that still lingers that people who are obese did this to themselves. Society kicks people like me to the ground constantly when you think you can't get any further down.

It is funny how the government is inclined to cover the cost of sex change operations for individuals but the lap-band procedure is not covered by OHIP because it is considered "cosmetic" or "ineffective". Yet the much more dangerous gastric bypass is covered, but you are looking at 3-8 year waiting lists for said surgery.

ODSP would only grant me $1,000 towards a bariatric bed that costs $6,000 so that I can eliminate the back pain I have due to an inadequate bed to keep my mobility. However I could get them to shell out $6,000 for a specialized power chair or scooter without very little trouble. Problem with chair/scooter is I don't want one as I want to be able to keep my mobility and try and increase it day by day. The whole reason why I was able to walk and stand more a year ago was because I was sleeping in a hospital bed for 12 weeks and thus had support for my back.

Basically I am hoping that this opens people's eyes to get help for people like myself as we are shunned by the Canadian people and the various levels of government.

I have thoughts and feelings like anyone. I am want to love and be loved. Only problem is I am three times the size of the average adult male so there is merely just more of me. Being accepted is something not all people are able to day.

Anyway this post is sort of all over the place. I am tired and have a million thoughts racing through my head at the moment. It is really hard to convey my feelings through writing, especially if you don't know how I got to be where I am today.

Alright...time for sleep!


Dec. 27th, 2008

(no subject)

So last night I was on Facebook and my friend Lisa just happened to message me to wish me a belated Merry Christmas. The conversation then took an interesting turn when out of the blue Lisa asked if I would be interested in sharing an apartment with her. I was a little taken back as this was something I never expected to be asked, however I immediately accepted the invitation.

Lisa was my closest friend during my time at Homewood last year. From the moment we met we just clicked. The two of us have very similar personalities and sense of humours. We also share the same taste in movies, music and authors. Lisa (if I recall correctly), is in her mid to late 30's, so she is roughly 12-16 years older than me.

The two of us think that this would help us both emotionally as we both lack the companionship in our lives living on our own. So now I have to see exactly how quickly I can begin the transition from my current living situation in Oshawa to her apartment in Mississauga.

She mentioned tonight that after she told her mother she had similar opinions as my mom, which certainly did not come as a surprise. My grandmother was in the beginning in the same mindset as my mom, but then she changed to a neutral state, which I can only assume might have been because she thought I might have been getting agitated (I wasn't). My grandfather told me that it is my decision and I will make the right decision for myself. He doesn't care about the fact that Lisa is a female, whereas my grandmother seems to still be living in the 1950's where men were friends with men and women with women.

This is the most exciting news I have had in quite some time.

In other news my sister called me on her cell phone last night as she was having dinner at her significant others mother's house. My god his mom's side of the family are loud! I could barely hear my sister on the phone and she said she already had a headache from all the noise.

I think I am going to end this prematurely and just relax and listen to some music. I know I am going to have to have the dreadful thoughts of packing pop into my head sooner rather than later...too late I think, lol.


P.S. Happy New Year to anyone who reads this in case I forget to wish it...

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